Safety Dance
by Team Valdez
Summary: In which it's the kid's sophomore dance, Jane, Roxy, Jake, and Dirk chaperone, and a night of embarrassment and awful dancing ensues. No Sburb AU, lots of implied ships. Just a bit of cursing here and there, mentions of alcohol.


**saaefty dunce *dance**

**As usual, I own nothing except for the storyline ****here. Song is Safety Dance by Men Without Hats if you want to hear that.**

"Is it too late to go home?" Jade whined from the back of the Crocker family station wagon, the only vehicle large enough to ferry all eight passengers.

"'Fraid so, looks like you lil shits are stuck with us." Dirk drawled, pulling into the parking lot of the younger four's high school.

"Who's idea was it to have a sophomore dance anyway?" John joined Jade in her brooding. "All we are is the transitional phase!"

"I think that it could be fun."

"Rose, you're only saying that because you have a date."

"Ouch," Dave mimicked a pained expression, "your words wound me Egg man. Hope you're happy."

John only rolled his eyes and pretended not to notice when the blonde boy grabbed his hand. No one else bothered to point it out, less face the wrath of the two "best bros" no-homo charade and Dave's usual response of how ironic it was.

"Cmon you guys," Roxy turned to face the brooding backseat, "chaperoning could be fun! We'll get to see you lil shits with all your dates and such."

"Just please don't do anything embarrassing!" Jade pleaded.

"I can make no promises, Jadey." Jake shrugged and winkWe'll,ed at her from the passenger seat.

Jade sighed and flung open her door, her pale yellow dress with the shimmery fabric making 'swish' noises as she walked. Her cousin grinned and held out his arm to assist the other ladies out of the van before joining Dirk and the other guys near a flagpole bearing the school flag along with the familiar US Stars and Stripes.

"So I assume this is where we part?" Rose inquired.

"Yep! Just walk down the hallway until you see a door marked 'Derse', that ones for you guys, and we'll be going in through Prospit. See you inside!" Jade grabbed a giggling Jane by the arm and led her through the front entrance of the high school. John and Jake followed a bit reluctantly after waving goodbye to their dates.

The Strider-Lalonde group walked in a silent procession, Roxy taking careful sips from her flask as so not to stain the purple dress that her younger sister'a girlfriend had custom made for the dance in question. They all looked rather stunning, with pale hair and slightly tanned skin practically glowing against the purples and blues and pinkish accents of their ensembles.

The only requirements for the dance were that you came in one of two colors, yellow for Prospit, and purple for Derse. The dance was in part a celebration of the successful launch of a new video game designed by a handful of students, whom were to be attending the dance as well. They were dubbed 'trolls' by many of their class mates, mostly for the fact that when you played the game, characters that resembled them were to guide you through it. It was all highly confusing and hardly relevant to the plot, so we're electing to ignore it.

The inside of the gym looked so unlike the gym at the moment that the little party was in awe. One side was decorated with yellow lighting and tables the color of sunlight, the other with purple decorations that glowed under black lights. A large area in the middle was kept clear to accommodate the mass of sophomores dancing and talking, while a handful of chaperones surveyed the fray in search of any offenders.

"Welp, looks like this is where we take off. Later." And with that Dave grabbed his sister by the wrist, pulling the two onto the dance floor to locate their friends.

"You wanna do the honors or should I?" Roxy smirked at her brother.

"You do it, I should go get the others ready."

The Lalonde smiled and slipped away between two students, intent in locating the DJ.

Dirk found the remaining members of the Prospitians who they had arrived with near the punch bowl, chatting idly. With a curt nod from the Strider, the both checked their watched and smiled, and followed him back to a corner near the exit, awaiting their first cue.

Roxy practically skipped back to them, cellphone in hand. "Done and done!"

"So when do we begin this whole shindig?" Jake shouted over the boom of speakers.

"NOW!"

As the fast paced pop song slowed to a finish, even faster notes replaced them in a song that everyone knew and dreaded equally.

Cotton Eyed Joe.

A few brave souls remained on the dance floor, awkwardly bopping around as they searched for a danceable beat. Dirks poker face remained intact as he took his stage, and in a flurry of limbs, he began dancing while Dave looked on in horror.

Dirk apparently knew the entire dance to the obscure song, legs kicking in time to the rapid string sections for over two minutes, only stopping to throw in some sort of breakdancing maneuver here and there. The crowd seemed to love it, cheering him on while his brother blanched from the bleachers and buried his face into his sleeves.

As soon as the song ended, Dirk took a bow and retreated to the older kid's corner. Nearly three songs later, Jane and Jake stepped up to the floor arm-in-arm, and performed a ridiculously well-rehearsed rendition of the running man to some song that no one could remember, the cheers of the teens around them muffling the music considerably. They too took their seats when the song ended.

This went on for hours, one or more of the so-called 'chaperones' (who hardly pid attention to anyone other than their charges) coming up to dance at a time every couple of songs. Dirk performed an impeccable robot. Roxy twerked to three Miley Cyrus songs, a sight to behold after draining one of her flasks. Jane and Jake tag teamed, recreating every forbidden dance that they could think of (and a few that they had made up). The crowd ate it up, applause loud as thunder when each performance ended.

Fifteen minutes before the dance was scheduled to end, the DJ announced that there had been one more request to be played before the crowning of the Court and the Last Dance of the night.

Dave gulped. John chewed his lip nervously. Rose looked impassive enough, but was quaking in her heels with secondhand embarrassment . Jade looked close to tears of relief and horror all at once.

There was a pregnant pause of dead silence over the entire sophomore class as the songs transitioned. Then, to their horror, some electronic beats rang out in the din.

Safety Dance.

All four older siblings made their way in a line to the center of the room, grinning like foxes before all beginning to dance like mad. Dirk and Jane seemed to be doing well enough, but between Jake's two left feet without a partner and the degree to which Roxy had managed to get smashed in mere hours, they had essentially thrown 'embarrassing' out the metaphorical window that Dave wished he could throw himself out of.

The remaining occupants of the gym tweaked out of their stupor and nearly tripped over themselves to join in on the chaos. Everyone merged together in what could only be described as a mob for three minutes, dancing until the song faded into the cheers of the students.

The principal of the school, a muscular woman with thick black hair and fuchsia lipstick dubbed "Condy" by the students, took the mic to announce the Kings and Queens of Derse and Prospit.

"Aight, so fo you purple crowd," the darker-clad group cheered, "the winners are... Aradia Medigo and Sollux Captor!" A blushing girl with long, long dark hair led a lanky boy to the platform, but the boy just looked bored as two underclassmen set a crown on his head.

"And fo you yellow guppies, Karkat Vantas and Terezi Pyrope!" The couple in question had to be pushed towards the general area by Nepeta Leijon. Once they had reached it, Terezi grinned menacingly and whispered something in her boyfriend's ear, to which he responded by growling and blushing brighter than a tomato. Ah, young love.

With a few closing remarks, the principal left the DJ to play one last slow song for the evening. The students coupled up quickly, and soon everyone was swaying to the beat.

John and Dave laughed silently, watching their futile attempts to not step on the other's toes fail miserably. Nearby, Kanaya and Rose performed an elegant waltz that rivaled that of the most experienced dancers. Jade giggled and danced with Feferi while Eridan eyed them sulkily.

Their elders watched them with pride from where they danced with their own dates, and through some odd turn of events that ended with Roxy puking in the bathroom with Jane holding her hair back, Jake and Dirk awkwardly souffléd around for a bit. Everyone pretended not to notice.

Sure, they received complaints on the returning trip, but they held their knowing smiles and did not respond (except for Roxy, who loudly responded to everything before passing out with her head in Jake's lap and her feet tucked under her skirt).

And they ignored the groans of contempt when Safety Dance happened to play on the radio.


End file.
